When its good, its good.....

Ah, but when its bad, it's bad. There's a downfall in my personality. Its always one extreme or another with me. I can never find a happy medium. I've recently realized that I am one independent person. I have been my entire life. I suppose when you grow up in a life like I did, it's inevitable. We won't get into that.

Had a great day, till someone struck a cord, which proceeded to take the rest of the day down hill. The roommate and I aren't getting along today, nothing worse than living with Tension in the air. I tried to work on my resume' but I just can't seem to focus. Sent out a few emails, still have a few to write, but I'd rather wait for them to be of a positive stature rather than negative. I'm hoping to get some of these feelings out by writing.

I just can't understand how I can go from hot to cold in an instant. Feelings really aren't anything but an illusion in our own minds. We're made up of two, Love and Fear. So, what is the root of the feelings I have at the moment, fear. Fear of what? Fear of disappointment, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown?

Well, lets think about this. Disappointment: We all make mistakes, we are after all only human. Therefore, if someone is disappointed in me, there is nothing I can do but apologize sincerely and change my ways to avoid the end result in the future.

Being alone. If I truly believe what I claim to believe, then I shouldn't fear being alone, because I am never alone. My Master, Higher Power, God, whichever we choose to call it, is always with me. Always here by my side. So there is nothing to fear on this matter.

Fear of the unknown, that's a hard one. Again, just push forward, remember that I might not know what tomorrow brings but God does. My Master is very much aware of tomorrow and the next day, so If I'm in fear of the future due to the unknown, I must replace my fear with faith. I must be aware that all is well, even in the hard times.

I'm feeling better already.

On a happier note, I have officially scheduled my consultation with the Oral Surgeon. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I've also found out that my dental insurance will cover all but 20 percent of the surgery itself. I am not sure as far as the anesthetic or other costs. Nevertheless, the most expensive part will be covered mostly. That's some what of a relief.

My goal this week, live not in fear, but in love. If we all lived in love it would be a completely different world.

I suppose I am off to read. I have the house to myself now. A good time to read and meditate most certainly.

Cheers till next time.