Its been brought to my attention.....

That I haven't written in quite some time. I suppose its a number of things, nothing to say, nothing I want to say "publicly", working 6 days a week, time. Maybe it's just plain laziness. Life isn't good, but it isn't bad. I'm just kinda standing still it seems as the world passes me by. I'm a mess. Thats nothing new. A flake, an inconsistent and unreliable friend. Another birthday has come and gone, another year older, and nothing new in life. Same ole shit, different week, day, year, month. You get the picture. A few things have also been brought to my attention. My work history. I can't follow through with nearly ANYTHING. Wonder why that is? I just assume say I won't do anything. Then I feel like crap for disappointing people, but I suppose that's better then saying I'll do something and not doing it. I'm truly hating my life here lately. I'm with a very unhappy man, who swears to me that there is NOTHING i can do to change that. Claims its him, not me, yadda yadda yadda. I can't decide what the best way to get around this mountain is. Of course over it, but if there are a few trails to go on, how do you pick the best one? Mama always told me, when in doubt, don't. Therefore, I won't. I'm just gonna let time handle all this crap. I prayed myself to sleep last night for the first time in awhile. Practically begging God for help. I'm at a loss, i'm stuck. I don't know anything anymore. I'm horrible at making decisions. Sticking to the punches. I love my boyfriend, I love his kids, I love our home and our life isn't half bad. So why are we so unhappy? We both have decent jobs, and make decent money. Though his child support is a bit ridiculous, we still manage to get by. He always gets mad at me for attaching my life to his. I thought that's what partners did? So, now i'm writing about nothing. Just wasting away words. Maybe i'll go to church tonight. Might do me some good. Give me some clarity. Please, God, show me some answers.